Amputate

I think it's time! I tried to push this as long as I could. I tried to avoid it. I tried to make it work, to cope with it. I really, really tried. I did everything I could to save this, but unfortunately I think this is it. I cannot push it any longer. I know now that it is time to cut it off - to amputate! This is not gonna be an easy process. I don't have the necessary courage to do it. I know for sure that I will have to think it first. What method to apply? One quick, sharp cut (like when you're ripping a bandage) .... or maybe go into a 20-hour surgery and make it medically? I know you don't understand what I'm talking about. Or maybe just few understand. It's about a situation in my life that I thought I could manage when I should have removed it from my life from the start. Now, this situation has gone bad and it's threatening to ruin my entire life, my personality, my sanity. So, I find myself in this position in which I have to decide the solution to it. But now the solution isn't as simple as it would have been in the beginning. Because now I got attached. Now, I have put soul and energy and time into it and it's all lost. The only solution is the amputation. It's not gonna come without great pain. I am willing to suffer that knowing that in the end I am gonna be saved. I realize that this is a desperate solution and like always I am doing this now when I am still rational. It might be too late if I wait another week or month or, who knows, maybe even day. I have been in a similar situation before. At that time ... I didn't do anything. So, now I have to accept the consequences of my not-doing-anything. It's bad! Now, I am not willing to do that again. So, today maybe I will proceed with the amputation. The results ... well, they can be seen only after the healing. And as for the healing - well that's a long way. So, please indulge me if I am no longer myself. But I am doing this especially because I want to save my inner person. I know for sure that I will still be Camelia if I save my personality and my sanity, but if I accept the situation longer... then I am lost forever!