Lessons I've learned while God was silent

It's been a while ... Somehow I've missed writing. I've put it on hold for too long and I forgot that writing made me face my realities. Yep ... because at that point there wasn't just one reality. Still, it's been a while and there are so many many things that happened since I've last written something. What I want to talk to you about today is ...my silent God. Lesson 1. He is just silent, not absent *** And for a long time it was hard for me to learn this very important lesson. Because, I allowed years to pass thinking that if God didn't say anything, then He must be absent ... and I didn't bothered to check. Unfortunately, this is a very common deduction ... incorrect deduction. It took a couple of very bad circumstances to realize it. And as soon as I've learned this lesson ... I had no excuse. Of course there are still times when the thought crosses my mind ... but what if He is absent? I know now the source of that thought and it's a matter of how fast can you rebuke it. Lesson 2. If He's silent it doesn't mean He doesn't care *** Did it happen to you too? That moment when truly in pain ... and all you wanted was one of His words. A word that didn't come. In that moment of complete vulnerability ... that was the first explanation coming through my mind: of course, He doesn't care. BUT ... as soon as I raised my eyes from my circumstances I saw His face and when you see His face, it's impossible to still believe that He doesn't care. It's just twisted out-of-focus perspective. Him being silent in those moments it's just Him waiting for us to take a step back and raise our gaze from our circumstances and look directly to Him. And then we realize that no words were needed. Lesson 3. He's silent ... because there is no point if two people talk at the same time *** Should I explain? Lesson 4.(not truly learned) He is silent because He expects me to already know what He wants *** Isn't it comforting to see that someone we care about understand us ... just by looking at us? I can only imagine. But as far as God is concerned, this is one of the lessons I needed to re-take ...again and then again. Because while I expect Him to talk to me, He expects me to already know what He wants me to do. And that is to fully trust Him. Leap of faith every single day. I am afraid I still have to learn this lesson. There are times when I seem to have learned it, but then in times of trial it turns out that I haven't. What can I say? Work in progress. Work in progress. C.