Betrayal

You know what's the most common synonym for betrayal? My personal guess is: you do. Even so, I will say it again: BACKSTABBING. And it's not me who says it ... wikipedia does it first.

So, what can you actually say about this, when the synonym is more than explicit? Betrayal...have you ever felt it? (because I honestly think this is not something you experience, it's something that you feel on your own skin). It's more like a knife in the back when you least expect it... or let me put it some other way. How many of us have experienced a stabbing in the back? Well ... it must be just like a BETRAYAL!!!

Why am I talking about this today? Cas I feel betrayed. Today, more than any other day, I feel like someone really stabbed me in the back. Does it make any sense? Maybe I have high expectations from the people around me. Maybe I should strop expecting anything from people around me. For me, that seems like really, really hard work. Not trusting, not expecting. I am that kind of a person that does trust and does expect.

And still ... with every knife I feel in my back I am one step away from drawing a line and giving EVERYBODY up. Lately everybody are hurrying to deposit their knives in a safe place, i.e. my back.

Betrayal hurts! Betrayal makes me ... concentrate on reading more books or just staying away from people.

I am one knife away from that!

Purpose

Isn't this something that bothers us? I mean ... even if we're not thinking on a day-by-day regular basis about our purpose in life, i just have this feeling that the thought is there in the back of the head like a tooth pain that won't go away, until you decide to look for a specialist.

That's the same for me. A strange - permanent pain. Bearable, I must admit this, but annoying in the same time (or is it in the same amount?!) How do you figure this out? If you find the answer just let me know - cas I am still trying to get rid of my back of the head pain.

Talking with other people, reading, studying, watching the world around me ... I picked up some possible answers. But, from all the answers I picked up, some are like ridiculously repeating. For example, I am gonna choose two great personalities - each with their own answer.

First, Anthony Hopkins (and you might say it was a script, and he had to say that because he was playing in a movie - I will just pretend he wasn't!) with his memorable lines "there's not an ounce of excitement, not a whisper of a thrill. [...]But love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make this journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all."

He makes a very good case there! I mean, it makes me wonder if this is a purpose ... or the purpose. Just to be perfect, Einstein (and on this one I think everybody will agree with me - he's a genius) comes with something similar: "Strange is our situation here upon earth.l Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know - the man is here for the sake of other men."

Now my question: Are we all here for the sake of someone else? I know that love comes in many shapes and colors - but is this our purpose in life? To find that one person we're here for?

I told you before - I have no answer to this question. I am still trying to figure my purpose out. I might get it one day. What I can tell you for sure is that ... I'm 100% sure that we all have a specific purpose. We need to figure it out. Sooner, better then later!

Conversation

When did the human kind lost the ability to have a smart conversation?

I mean I constantly find myself in the position of having meaningless - unimportant - uninteresting conversation. Is it me? Or it's just the society who has reduced our capability of smartly communicate? We are no longer interested in that ... we are no longer interested in information. We just waste time on small talk that lead to no where and have no impact on anything or anyone.

Am I making any sense? I mean, is it bad that I am craving for a smart conversation from time to time?

I just want to find someone who is interested in intelligent conversation ... and not interested in the stupid subjects that the television gives us - cas that's what we are doing.

Anyway ... I want to see people interested in more that fashion or latest gossip. I want people interested in books, or good music, or why not science.

I miss intelligent conversation ...