Respect

It's useless to say that this word doesn't mean anything nowadays. RESPECT? When did you last see this? Society doesn't encourage respect anymore! Respect's value is zero ... Then why do I still know what respect is? Why do I still use it?

Reality

Back to square one! My first article on the blog was about how we create another world - an illusion - and we choose to live with it like it's reality. Dr. House says: "The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth." I am not very sure about the last part of his statement, but the first part, oh well, I tested it, and he's right. Of course! Eyes can mislead. Smile can lie. It's only because we are humans and we don't want to let the others around us see inside. One of my favorite topics ever is about limits and boundaries. I really think that as humans we are all alone. I am not talking about friends and families and groups. Bottom line is everyone is alone. Reality will catch us off guard. When least expected, you're alone. So, I only find it fair to have eyes that mislead and smiles that lie. I am rambling incoherent. No surprise after 48 h with maybe less than 10 h of sleep and 1 bottle of energy drink plus some coke. I will try to be more clear, reality will determine our decisions. Inevitably, there will be good decisions and bad decisions as well. And it ALL depends on this reality. What if after deliberating for a while you make a decision based on the reality you perceive and you realize that the reality is completely different? Life is not math, there are no constants. There is no objectivity. Let's be serious. Even when we say that we are objective, we are not, cas we are going to base our decision on the reality that we believe it's reality. Did I manage to make myself clear? Let me put it some other way: Depending on how we choose to face reality - we are going to be winners or losers.

Money ... money? well, money!

Who hasn't heard at least once the famous song? "Money, money, money ... must be funny, in a rich man's world". Well, is it?! Personally I hate it. I have never appreciated this, as first thing on my list. Not even second or third. I always considered there are other things much more important that money. Money ... well it's just the mean to get somewhere, is under no circumstance the destination itself. Unfortunately, for many today it became the supreme purpose: MONEY, MONEY and more MONEY! Doesn't matter the how or the when or the where, and not even whose body to step on! All it matters is MONEY. There are no other values or principles. If you only mention about education or culture or knowledge they will look at you like you've just landed from Mars. These are no longer priorities! These are no longer anything on people's list today. (Of course, I am talking about the huge mass of stupidity!) What really bugs me, like really really annoys me is that MONEY changed everyone. Even if it's not a priority for you, you still do a lot of stuff to get it. Stuff that you wouldn't usually do. Stuff that before would have disgust you. Stuff that you had even said not to ever in your life do. And here you are, an honest person, appreciating the real value of intelligence and culture, bending at the throne of MONEY. It's not your fault! It's not my fault! It just bothers me that we have to do that! I would very much like to do something else with my time. Really! Working my ass off isn't fun. I am not doing it because I enjoy it so much. It's just there is no other way in the nowadays society! It's weird, and it's stupid but you have to comply, otherwise you'll be just swollen and nobody will ever remember you. I hate what money did to people! I hate what money did to me! I wish I could read a book without feeling guilty that I am wasting time ... I wish I could sleep 8 hours at night, and not feel guilty that my time is not well used! I wish ... I just wish I didn't care this much about anything but myself. I wish I would just take care of myself and work to get there where I want to get! I wish that stupid people stop telling me what to think or what to do and how to do it! I thought about myself as a non-racist person. But you know what? I am racist! I vote for intelligent people who won't accept shit from "less-equipped". You think I am mischievous?! Oooooo, you just haven't seen me angry ... YET!

Insomnia ....

Şi am ajuns din nou la insomnie. Deşi de data aceasta nu mă mai întreb care ar putea fi cauza acestei nopţi albe! Ştiu exact ce s-a întâmplat. Mă voi folosi de un moment memorabil din Friends, când Ross, dupa N sezoane, îşi întreabă prietenii, oarecum nedumerit: "Vă mai amintiţi când aveam o maimuţă?" Bineînţeles răspunsul din partea prietenilor săi a fost unul afirmativ. Remarca lui Ross a venit ... neaşteptată: "What was I thinkin?" (tr. "Ce-o fi fost în capul meu?") E unul din momentele acelea, când, peste ani, voi privi în urmă şi voi gândi, cu voce tare probabil: CE-O FI FOST ÎN CAPUL MEU? Nici nu e nevoie să treacă cine ştie cât timp, deja îmi dau seama că ceea ce fac e o tâmpenie ... de o să mă lase perplexă mâine chiar! Cum se face că ne blocăm în unele momente din viaţă şi ni se pare imposibil să mai ieşim de-acolo? Cert e că pentru mine, deja devine un obicei neplăcut. Deja colecţionez momente "CE-O FI FOST ÎN CAPUL MEU?" Încerc să mă scap de acest ultim moment, şi e destul de dificil de realizat! SOS!

No strings attached ...

I've always wondered what does this mean: NO STRINGS ATTACHED! I mean, how is it even possible?! But when you're tired of "strings" all the time, and when all you get from everybody are strings, you start to understand what this three little words talk about! It's as simple as that: you want the easy way out! I will refer only to myself, because it's not something that I can generalize, but right now that's all I am thinking of: EASY and OUT! I tried to do the good thing, I tried to do the right thing ... it's not that it is not working for me, but I see no result. From at least one point of view, I am in the same place as before. It's like I am walking in circles. And it ain't fun anymore! If I until now I was looking for those strings … I am done! NO MORE STRINGS ATTACHED! I will pursue my dream for happiness and with God’s help I will get there. But, as for here and as for people to depend on or to lean upon I am done. I think I am strong enough to carry this on my (well!) very own. And I know I have amazing family and amazing loving friends who have my back if I fell. But otherwise, I don’t want to be looking anymore. Nathaniel Hawthorne says: "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." This might be true, or not! Either way, I am done pursuing the butterfly. I am going for NO STRINGS ATTACHED! Call me coward, or call me crazy … or call me just “a tired human looking for the easy way OUT”. I know that this is not exactly who I am. But, in the end, who is to tell me how I should act? All I know now is that I am tired, and I just want to sort this out. I want to find the secret whether I am a person dreaming that it is a butterfly or the other way around?! For this, I just need NO STRINGS ATTACHED! p.s. 1. I am one year older, but not so sure about the one year wiser! For me, wisdom might kick only later on! p.s. 2. Thank you my dear friends for being there/here for me. You all know who I am talking about! 