Purpose

Isn't this something that bothers us? I mean ... even if we're not thinking on a day-by-day regular basis about our purpose in life, i just have this feeling that the thought is there in the back of the head like a tooth pain that won't go away, until you decide to look for a specialist.

That's the same for me. A strange - permanent pain. Bearable, I must admit this, but annoying in the same time (or is it in the same amount?!) How do you figure this out? If you find the answer just let me know - cas I am still trying to get rid of my back of the head pain.

Talking with other people, reading, studying, watching the world around me ... I picked up some possible answers. But, from all the answers I picked up, some are like ridiculously repeating. For example, I am gonna choose two great personalities - each with their own answer.

First, Anthony Hopkins (and you might say it was a script, and he had to say that because he was playing in a movie - I will just pretend he wasn't!) with his memorable lines "there's not an ounce of excitement, not a whisper of a thrill. [...]But love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make this journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all."

He makes a very good case there! I mean, it makes me wonder if this is a purpose ... or the purpose. Just to be perfect, Einstein (and on this one I think everybody will agree with me - he's a genius) comes with something similar: "Strange is our situation here upon earth.l Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know - the man is here for the sake of other men."

Now my question: Are we all here for the sake of someone else? I know that love comes in many shapes and colors - but is this our purpose in life? To find that one person we're here for?

I told you before - I have no answer to this question. I am still trying to figure my purpose out. I might get it one day. What I can tell you for sure is that ... I'm 100% sure that we all have a specific purpose. We need to figure it out. Sooner, better then later!

Conversation

When did the human kind lost the ability to have a smart conversation?

I mean I constantly find myself in the position of having meaningless - unimportant - uninteresting conversation. Is it me? Or it's just the society who has reduced our capability of smartly communicate? We are no longer interested in that ... we are no longer interested in information. We just waste time on small talk that lead to no where and have no impact on anything or anyone.

Am I making any sense? I mean, is it bad that I am craving for a smart conversation from time to time?

I just want to find someone who is interested in intelligent conversation ... and not interested in the stupid subjects that the television gives us - cas that's what we are doing.

Anyway ... I want to see people interested in more that fashion or latest gossip. I want people interested in books, or good music, or why not science.

I miss intelligent conversation ...

Addiction

Addiction comes in many shapes starting from the bad habits such as drugs, drinking, shopping for some, and going to the not that destructive ones like coffee, perfumes (this is one of my favorites) and even on a more psychological level ... the cry for attention. But isn't any addiction a cry for attention?

It is odd that I find myself facing another insomnia night. And I am starting to think that it is true what I said couple of months before: the guilty have no sweet dreams! It's not that I do or did any crimes. But who is to judge what is a crime or not?

Addiction is pretty much a crime since it comes with a guilty conscience and no sleep. I use to sleep perfectly good. No wakings up in the middle of the night remembering I didn't do something right before going to sleep. It is said that the first step to get rid of an addiction is recognizing you have a problem. In our society it is very hard to do that, when everybody else is all good, no problems - PLEASE!!! We are all addicted to something.
I, for one, I am CAMELIA and I am addicted ... to what? Well this is the hard question. To what? Cas all the things I am addicted to are like covering the true and open wound - the true addiction.

I feel like I don't really deserve all the good things happening to me. I am full of flaws and right now I don't really know where to start to fix myself up again.

Any ideas how to get rid of an addiction?

Bleah ...

I cannot think for a better word than this: "BLEAH!!!" People make me sick. Not all, some people make me sick. Some people annoy me with their stupid attitude "I'm the king of the hill!" Some people just disappoint me.

I guess I will never learn. I guess I am made from a material that cannot learn that PEOPLE DO DISAPPOINT YOU on a regular basis. Actually, I wish I were able to not trust everybody.

It happened to me recently ... someone I considered a decent person and it turned to be a greedy person and just let me down on so many levels that I can't even thought it would be possible. I guess the only good thing with me is that, even though I trust easily, once someone has betrayed my trust, it is done!!!

I am just an angry person right now!

Falling

I just wonder how come for some a fall is just a fall and nothing more - they stand up again and just walk further on like nothing happened, while for others a fall is like slipping on a toboggan and it just looks like they would never stop.

Well I guess we are different people with different tempers and personalities. There are these great people, with huge character and huge power, inspiring us with ever step they do. They seem to know exactly where to put their next step, even if they've never walked on that ground before. And then we just hear that they fell. For these kind of people the fall will always be a great one. Cas they are just not use to it. They are used to walk up on the mountains.

I was not use to the falling. I don't have the pretension of being a great person,I'm not. But I was used to get whatever I wanted, to fight for it if necessary. And from a while know I seem to have slipped and I am not able to stop and pick it up where I left it. I waiting to stop and take a deep breath, then stand up and walk further. I know it's not a process you get to make by yourself. But I have friends in high places!

Wind of change

Change, as I mentioned many, many times, is inevitable! We almost every day find ourselves in the position of making a change in our lives. Small changes like the shampoo we're using or the route we're taking to work or maybe the movie genre. Sometimes, the change in our lives implies a little more attention, a little more time, some more input from our side. And every once in a while change is gonna take us by surprise!

These are the changes we hate, these are the changes that we are afraid of. Because we are afraid of change. We feel conformable in our zone. We don't need any alterations of our usual-perfectly-boring lives. Change - this is what puts us back in the game and, willingly or not, makes us fight back.

So, every time we feel that the "weather" is way too calm ... for the season, do not worry! From the blue sky, all of the sudden, unexpected there will be a wind of change. You don't want it, you can't stop it. But in the end ... it could just bring a fresh perspective into our lives! So, just bring it on! Whatever is to come ... I am not scared, it's probably for the best!

Insomnia 4

Şi pentru că mi se părea absurd să nu poţi dormi, oricum, oricunde. Voila!!! Insomnie din nou!
Am un obicei. E unul din obiceiurile vechi pe care nu insist sa-l schimb (am altele care ar putea urca în cap de listă): când sunt pe stradă obişnuiesc să studiez oamenii pe lângă care trec. Dintr-o singură privire poţi primi o lecţie de viaţă.
Vreau să vă "arat" şi vouă două din imaginile ce îmi vor rămâne mereu întipărite în minte:

1. Dimineaţa, prea devreme pentru mine, zăpadă mare, frig. Un 46B prea aglomerat şi eu lipită de geam. Exact locul meu preferat. Urcând Calea Turzii trecem pe lângă cimitir. La unul din morminte, un bătrân de mână cu un copil! Efectiv am rămas fără cuvinte - mintea mea nu putea procesa informaţiile primite din exterior. Era nici 8 dimineaţa, un frig de crăpau şi pietrele. Ce căuta acolo un bătrân cu un copil?
Nu ştiu. Dar mi-am spus că trebuie să fi fost o persoană tare specială ...

2. În drum spre muncă, din nou un troleu mai plin decât mi-ar fi plăcut mie. La o trecere de pietoni un bătrânel sprinten traversa de zor. La un moment dat s-a oprit şi s-a întors. În spatele lui agale, venea o bătrânică. Bătrânelul s-a apropiat de ea şi a luat-o de mână. Împreună, în pas de plimbare, au traversat strada (spre enervarea şoferilor din trafic!!!) Pentru ei ... nu mai era nicio grabă!
Inevitabil mă gândesc că lumea ar fi un loc mult mai bun dacă fiecare am avea pe cineva care să ne ia de mână când ne e greu!

Sunt convinsă că mulţi aţi surprins asemenea imagini. Înţelept ar fi să tragem o învăţătură şi să mergem mai departe! O noapte bună vă doresc!

Usual - Dreams

We live our day by day life trying to keep out all the unexpected. We make plans, we write down schedules, we keep an eye on the clock. Up in the morning same time, quick ride to the office, end of the day ... maybe a movie or a chat with a friend. That's it!
What happened to all the dreams as kids? What happened to flying to the moon, or becoming a famous doctor/lawyer/actor/writer? What happened to your "TO DO LIST"? I remember when I was in college (and I know this sounds veeeeeeeeery old - so I might just as well change it to "few years ago") me and the girls I was living with had a TO DO LIST stuck on the fridge. Just stuff like: going to the theater, visiting some city we've never been to, attending a lawsuit, dressing like Arabic women and others. But this list remind us every day that we need to do something exciting with our lives.
Youth is said to be daring. We should always have a TO DO LIST out of the ordinary. We cannot live our lives just like usual!
Life it's pretty extraordinary.
Unfortunately, my TO DO LIST of today is: GET HOME, GO TO BED! - sad, I know. But I still have dreams. I still think I can read all the books I want, listen to all the music I gathered in my computer, take all the walks (although I am not a walking-kind of a person), visit all those places ... I still hope I can do something amazing with my life.
I guess I didn't put down on paper all my dreams ... because once on a TO DO LIST I would have to push myself further on to fulfill my dreams. And what if I don't make it? What if I betray my dream and let myself down? :)

I used to be optimistic. I used to think that I can do whatever I wanted! I might just as well write down that TO DO LIST and every day I see it I will remember that LIFE IS EXTRAORDINARY and you can only live once!

And on another hand, AMAZING things are ready to happen to whoever dares and steps outside the comfort line!

Ephemeral or Eternal?

Well I had to learn a tough lesson. I had to learn it for some time and all the signs were there, but it seemed easier to take the highway! Truth is people are the value. We are stubborn and we keep on gathering stuff that "make us happy" or maybe that are useful or maybe we just have a "hobby". We pay a lot to buy all these. We are ready to invest in an apartment, in a car, in a 2-week vacation to some end of the world place, in books or shoes or clothes or anything that is so material and ephemeral.

I kept planning to post our New Years resolutions. When stepping into this new year 2011, me and the friends gathered had some thoughts for this new beginning. And they were all so powerful and so of God... but one of them made me think a lot. My friend said that she was planing to put an etiquette with "EPHEMERAL" for all those material-non-important things and another etiquette with "ETERNAL" on humans. That was a brilliant plan. And I am so sure that if we had done that so far our life would've been a little happier, no remorse.

I, on the other hand, got caught in this race for wealth and material gains. I lost track of the humans near me. I forgot to be kind, and nice, and thoughtful. I became more and more bitter and unfriendly. I was told that bitterness keeps people away - somehow like a bad smell. The thing is we lose people. Sometimes we lose them with no possibility to get them back. What we had done by that point will remain. Nothing else matters. Of all people, I can say that humans are not trustworthy, but we need to do our best, we need to build bridges where there are none. Otherwise we're just gonna be alone and all the material things we gather so greedy would not make us happier.

We are so human, so proudling assuming that we're gonna live forever. The problem is that we are right. We ARE gonna live forever... but not the way we are imagining it.

La multi ani, mami!

Adevărul e că a trecut ceva timp de când nu am mai aşternut pe "hârtie" gândurile, impresiile, luptele, frustrările ... dar AZI e diferit! AZI nu e o zi ca oricare alta. Pentru unii e zi cu ghinion. Pentru alţii e doar o altă zi. Pentru cei care muncesc e miercuri - o zi ce marchează mijlocul săptămânii (sau încă două zile până la weekend).

Pentru mine şi ai mei azi e 13 IULIE ... ziua mamei mele. Cum aş putea să nu scriu? Când cele mai bune lucruri în viaţă mi s-au întâmplat datorită ei?

Mami, nu o să pot să îţi exprim vreodată în cuvinte ce însemni pentru mine. Şi azi, de ziua ta, mă rog ca Dumnezeu să îţi dăruiască tot ce crede El mai bun!

Îţi doresc o viaţă plină de bucurii! TE IUBESC!