Sharing

... or the power of sharing. I arrived to a conclusion. I must admit it took me a great deal to get to this conclusion but finally I have and now I will share it with you. So, here it goes: for a very long period of time I thought that people around us should repay us with the same coin we are paying them (talking about the positive side of things this time). WRONG! People around us DO NOT OWE us anything. If we chose to do something (and by something I mean anything coming from our own initiative, such as help, smile, support, advice so on so forth) we shouldn't expect anything in return. Confession: I thought that if I am nice to people and if I offer to help or anything of this kind, people OUGHT TO do the same. Well, you can all imagine my surprise when that didn't happen. Even more ... sometimes people were really repaying me with bad deeds (if we can call them like that). After the "surprise"-shock came frustration, and then anger and then hating people. Just from the simple fact that I alone expected something that had no warranties! Finally I decided to cut people off ... because people are not worth keeping around if they do not treat me the way I was treating them. WRONG AGAIN! The tragic result of this action was me being completely alone. But then I remembered I had friends, people who really appreciate the quality of our relationship. People who told me how much they count on our bound and people who were happy about our honesty. Looking at those people made me reconsider my criteria of choosing people around me. And then I arrived to the present conclusion: the minute I was ready to share my thoughts, my support, my knowledge with those around me I discovered that all negativity disappears ... One small thing tho ... I cannot help myself feeling some regret. Regret that some of those people do not appreciate the honesty in our relationship and in that case ... well I might just apply the same ol' solution! Maybe you can work something out! But sometimes, just sometimes, people do not really change!

Giving up

We are taught to never give up. We are taught that we need to stand up for our opinions, values, standards, feelings. And partly this is so true. I have always appreciated those people who do not budge, but there are situations when the smartest move one can make is to give up. There are times when nothing good can come out of a situation and the best decision to make is to step out. Admittedly, it asks for courage. Because sometimes the situations are so complex, or maybe we spent so much time, energy and emotions that giving up would almost mean giving up to a part of ourselves. What we need to understand is that we are not defined by those situations or by those relationships or by those people. We decide what defines us and what doesn't. So, if in the light of a new perspective, we come to the conclusion something isn't going to the expected outcome ... nor it can be obtained otherwise, I truly believe it's high time to let it go. When I write these lines I do have in mind a situation and it hurts to even think I might need to let it go. But somehow I trust this is the best decision. At this point there is no better option since the relationship cannot continue as it is going now and any other option ... well there are no really other options. I am mortified ... but soon I really won't have a choice. All I know right now it's that I am so used to this situation/relationship that I will sure miss it!

Issues

1. So, besides the tremendous amount of insecurities the humans populating this blue Planet have, the biggest of all is relied to trusting or not the others. It is a subject I have seldom talked about and it is indeed a very important aspect of our lives, since we are not islands - as some great mind has said - but we are all connected in one way of another. It is very hard to trust somebody and, like a coin, this can go both ways ... it is very hard to be trustworthy. Seldom I think about why people like to talk about other people's lives. How is that much more interesting than any other subject? why the need to dig? Beats me!! 2. I hate this winter-not-winter winter! I am a cold-person, I love the snow and I am all depressed starting spring to autumn. Winter is the only season cheering me up, and this year it missed the call! So, do not be surprised of my cranky behavior! It's all winter's fault! 3. Spine - I love people who have it !I despise people who don't! Simple as that! ... and in the end it's all about perception

Fate

As we walk into this new year we cannot but ask ourselves what does the future keep for us? We call it fate, or destiny, or hazard ... truth to be told we all have expectations from 2014. Some say that as less expectation you have, as less hurt or disappointed you will be when those expectations aren't met. I'd rather believe different: point the sun ... if not reached at least you'll hit a star. I believe in big dreams and huge plans and great wishes. I believe we can all fight to accomplish the things we dream for. Of course, it's not simple. It was never supposed to be simple. It takes a lot of work, and discipline and effort and time ... but in the end it's all worth it. At least that is what I think! Beyond all these I do strongly believe that the most important thing one needs to accomplish what he dreams of is to have the right HELP. And if the dream is really the path you are supposed to walk in life, it would be such a shame not to follow it. But before engaging in this trip to accomplish the dream ... I would analyse whether THIS particular dream would bring me closer to my true self or not. If the dream can take me one step closer to what God made me for. I discovered a new song today ... I am just like an arrow heading straight for a destiny and no one and nothing can take that away from me, it's something that defies what the eye can see! And it's true! Bottom line is that I am just like a sailor heading out to uncharted seas!

Fraud

I feel like a fraud. I don't understand how I ended up with so many conscience processes. It's like a continuous agony in my head. I am two different people in one and I cannot decide which one to kill. It might seem easy. Sometimes, I even thought I can balance them both but truth is that the differences between these to persons is like heaven and hell. dark and twisted or light and, well, untwisted. It's hard to try to maintain two people. And lately I even feel I might lose my sanity over this useless fight. So, bottom line ... after trying and trying ... it's high time. But how do I chose? Do I make a poll on Internet and let my significant others decide? It's a too important decision to let anyone else but me decide, and on the other hand... people should have to have a saying in who they like best. I am just kidding about the poll. The solution - it's something I have to figure it out on my own. Every single day I noticed how I am not suitable for this world. I mean I don't understand how did I end up having a set of values and principles that I do not respect? what can be worst than this? I find it very difficult to cope with this society. In the end someone will break ... and I don't see the society doing this. So, in order for me not to break I need to find a way of keeping my sanity and my principles and my values. There must be a way! I am sure of this! But who knows what is truly worth it. Right now all I know is that I am a fraud and I need to come clean ASAP. My true self deserves it!

sine cera

these are the kind of people we need in our lives: sine cera! we had enough of those who pretend or worse dress up as sheep while their true self is wolf. It is so hard to find them and when we do, most of the times, it is already to late. i feel so blessed these last couple of days. no reason. or no main reason. i just descover sine cera people in my life. they are worth the time and the energy to keep them close.

The skeletons in the closet

I find this expression very very weird. I cannot but think how one came up with it. I mean it’s not really a usual thing to come across a skeleton in someone’s closet. I can only imagine that at some point someone, literally, discovered a skeleton in a closet. Probably blackmail followed. Probably trials. I have no idea! Even so, now, we have this expression and it is not literally anymore. At least not in all the cases. So, I now arrived to the point where I wanted to get in the first place. We all have skeletons in our closet. It’s inevitable. Of course, the different standards we each have prevent us from having the same skeletons in our closets. If for many a skeleton in a closet means maybe an affair or a theft or maybe a hit and run, for others is worse like a crime or God knows what. But you know, lies can be skeletons in the closet too. So, I think that we can conclude that for each and every one of us the skeletons in the closet are those things that, if found out, will embarrass us. The things that we need to keep hidden from anyone – even from family or close friends. The things we barely admit for ourselves. It’s the one thing that makes us shiver every time we think it might come out. It’s the thing that doesn’t make us proud, the thing that keeps us captive in an invisible prison. Unfortunately, we all have them. But there is this thing. No matter how hard we try to clean the rest of the house. No matter how hard we want it to seem perfectly right, we cannot get rid of that smell. That smell coming through the closed doors of the closet hiding the horrible skeleton. My opinion is that the sooner we get rid o it the better. If a while passes then we get used to the smell and it’s not a problem for us anymore. When friends come over we spray some room deodorant and we think that everything it’s perfect. It’s not nice to clean a closet full of skeletons. It’s hard work and the most important is that you cannot do that without anyone seeing. Even if you are cleaning it at night, you still have to get rid of it. And believe me – just burring it is as bad as keeping it in the closet with the one difference: you got rid of the SMELL!

Fear

I am afraid! I think for the first time in my life I really understand what being afraid means. It's nothing to serious I might say. It's just this decision I need to take: either ... or! And I don't really know what to do. It's like sitting right there on the edge being afraid of jumping, even if you knew you could fly. What if I really can't? it's not human-like to fly ... so why am I special? maybe it isn't really true... maybe I can't fly after all. I am afraid I can't fly!

Amazing people

I am amazed! This is the exact feeling I have in this precise moment. I cannot but to be happy and thankful for the hand of people in my life that are truly friends! I have always believed in true friendship. And this was never a problem: not believing in it! The problem was not always recognizing those who really are true friends. Besides true friends there are those other good people. They will help! They have nothing to gain out of it and still they will make time to help someone who really needs it... Like myself these days. I am talking about a stupid questionnaire for my final paper. It's complicated to ask people to make time, when time is of the essence! And still, I reached out and there was this bunch of unbelievable amazing people who were willing to help me. A stupid questionnaire! You know, maybe you think I am a bit crazy, exaggerating about this... but main thing is: if we are faithful in small things ... we are or we will prove faithful in big things as well. Maybe there won't be any huge opportunity for these people to help me. What they don't know is that they have managed to impress me! This kindness they showed these days toward me won't be left without being repaid. And if I cannot repay them I do know someone who can. So, everybody, amazing-kind-good people ... I thank you from the bottom of my heart! You all know who I'm talking about!

Non-believers

We are actually non-believers. We say we believe, but deep within we don't. We expect for miracles, we want miracles, we dream about them. But we are incapable of recognizing a miracle even if it hit us the head! When we are in the presence of a miracle we try to explain it, we try to make it seem like not such a big deal. We try... and if we try we make it! Cas miracles very rarely keep looking like miracles if we don't want to see them. In the end, we are just some poor creatures incapable of accepting the unknown, the unbelievable. Just because it is out of our reach! Such a pity!