Lessons I've learned while God was silent

It's been a while ... Somehow I've missed writing. I've put it on hold for too long and I forgot that writing made me face my realities. Yep ... because at that point there wasn't just one reality. Still, it's been a while and there are so many many things that happened since I've last written something. What I want to talk to you about today is ...my silent God. Lesson 1. He is just silent, not absent *** And for a long time it was hard for me to learn this very important lesson. Because, I allowed years to pass thinking that if God didn't say anything, then He must be absent ... and I didn't bothered to check. Unfortunately, this is a very common deduction ... incorrect deduction. It took a couple of very bad circumstances to realize it. And as soon as I've learned this lesson ... I had no excuse. Of course there are still times when the thought crosses my mind ... but what if He is absent? I know now the source of that thought and it's a matter of how fast can you rebuke it. Lesson 2. If He's silent it doesn't mean He doesn't care *** Did it happen to you too? That moment when truly in pain ... and all you wanted was one of His words. A word that didn't come. In that moment of complete vulnerability ... that was the first explanation coming through my mind: of course, He doesn't care. BUT ... as soon as I raised my eyes from my circumstances I saw His face and when you see His face, it's impossible to still believe that He doesn't care. It's just twisted out-of-focus perspective. Him being silent in those moments it's just Him waiting for us to take a step back and raise our gaze from our circumstances and look directly to Him. And then we realize that no words were needed. Lesson 3. He's silent ... because there is no point if two people talk at the same time *** Should I explain? Lesson 4.(not truly learned) He is silent because He expects me to already know what He wants *** Isn't it comforting to see that someone we care about understand us ... just by looking at us? I can only imagine. But as far as God is concerned, this is one of the lessons I needed to re-take ...again and then again. Because while I expect Him to talk to me, He expects me to already know what He wants me to do. And that is to fully trust Him. Leap of faith every single day. I am afraid I still have to learn this lesson. There are times when I seem to have learned it, but then in times of trial it turns out that I haven't. What can I say? Work in progress. Work in progress. C.

Pack society

I bought a new backpack. You'd say what does that have to do with anything. Well nothing at first. But on the backpack there is a small label with 3 words that make me think: THE PACK PROTECTS! Wolves are not the good guys in any stories. Wolves are presented as malefic and bad and tameless creatures. Although all these might be true, there are things one could learn from them. And one of the most important thing is that THE PACK PROTECTS. True ... there are times when you see two wolves fighting for dominion and it's a life&death fight. However, the basic idea is that when the pack is formed, when everybody knows their place within the pack, oh, well, you're protected! That feeling that you're safe. No need to remind you about Maslow's hierarchy of human needs, right? Because if I had, I would tell you that safety is, after the physiological needs, right at the bottom. And you know what, I really connect with the "the pack protects" principle. You are supposed to find that group of people where you feel safe. Where you feel like the pack protects. We live in such hard times. The FREEDOM is not actually FREEDOM. The "do what you want" is not really "do what you want". I feel like the society constraints us in ways we don't even realize. Why do I dress a certain way or why did I buy one thing or another? You'd say that you always DO what you feel like and you don't listen to what the gossip says. Good for you, but I doubt it! I really think that nowadays we're more alert than ever. There are things deep in our subconscious we don't even know they make all the decision for us. Okkk ... we should not try that hard to be liked by the others. Bottom line is we each live our own life and in the end each of us will answer for what they did. Meanwhile, it is so good to have finally found a group to belong to. My pack! It's even better than it seems, given that I've been a lonely wolf. Or so I thought. All I know is that I am in a pack society now. And ... the PACK PROTECTS!

Guidance

It's been a while. Not that I don't have anything to say, but because I find myself in a position of not finding the correct words. I tried to complain about this country I live in, about its politics and politic class, about the life itself, about the people around me. Even about myself. And in the end ... I didn't gain anything. Instead I transformed into someone I don't really like. That person everybody is passing by or avoiding because all they do is complain. I don't even believe that if life gives you lemons you must turn them into lemonade. It's not my job to change the circumstances of my life. My job? Well if you ask me now ... I'll tell you that my job here is to be more like my Savior. It might sound pretentious to some, or even heretical ... but I'm done with what other people think of me. I am really done with trying to please one or another. I am actually tired of living a life that was not meant to be for me. I am tired of being someone I am not. And you know what ... at this point I don't know who am I supposed to be. I just know I need to move forward. Towards the goal. Because time is running out for everybody and in the end, when I stand before God, I want to be able to say, in Erma Bombeck's words: "I used everything you gave me". So.. its's time for action!

Set me free

You know that feeling when you can barely breath because the walls are closing in on you? We cling to things or people and we hold so tight that at some point when it's high time to let go ... you can't imagine life without that thing or person. Even worse, you can't imagine your life before. It's just an illusion. I've been in this place and I thought that life will cease or won't follow its course if I let go. But guess what? The humans of this Blue Planet, with their feelings and insignificant, irrational (if you don't mind me saying) fears, are so bad at choosing people who could really make a difference when let go. What I've been trying to convince my self lately is that I am a rational person and that I cannot mingle in the sentiments' world. Who was I trying to fool? It's part of the experience - to feel. Otherwise is just a theory. Like in the AA meetings, first you have to admit the issue before finding the solution. For me this was the first step to be set free. Free from the feelings tying me to someone. Finally. Best part of all is that now I know. It's not in vain what they say ... that experience it's a great teacher. Now I'm not afraid of walking past the line and just trying to live the life I am supposed to live. The life I was supposed to be living for a while now. I have some catching up to do. I think I will do just fine. Breathing ... is not an issue anymore.

Few of the perks of being alive

You know, it is said that fear is irrational. Unless we rationalize it. Because we are pretty good of rationalizing, especially when it is not necessarly the case. Apparently we lose this ability right before needing it the most. But this is not at all what I want to say. I look around and there's just a handful of people who really, truly live. I admit: I am jealous! Whenever I stumble someone who really lives, who knows how to live, I am green of envy. And maybe this is the good type of envy, not the destructive one. However, the fear of death is paralyzing and the most common effect it has on a human is that ... we stop living. Even before we biologically die. I'm just saying, maybe it's not really your case, I can only talk from what I find inside. But, letting aside this irrational fear of death ... one could easily find or see the tremendous amount of perks ... of being alive. Like when you decide that it's high time you drop the baggage you carry around just because it became obsolete. It's the same with this fear. As soon as you put it behind, it's just light and easiness. You can really see. No blockage, no white/black image. But the colorful picture of what is called life. And this is the first perk I discovered - being able to see the colors. The world is so more beautiful when it's seen in colors. Another one - the relationships. Only the people who are truly alive can connect. So, find friends & family right there, next to you, almost like waiting for you to see them, it's one of the greatest perks of being alive. It's totally worth it! Books - if I were to pick a perk, a material perk, this must be it. (Because the world, with its beauty, it's not a "thing", but so much more!). So, books. My first love. Books, in my case, more than anything, make me feel that I am alive. Wherever, whenever I want. Music. Have you ever just spend time listening to music? Feeling it? It's like music speaks directly to my soul. It's emotion, vibrating inside. This is what works for me. For a while now I've been struggling with this like I cannot find my place on this blue Planet. Like my life hasn't started yet, waiting for the start whistle, while others are already at the finish line. I guess it's no greater regret than just realizing that you're at the finish line when you haven't even started. It happens. So, why not just live? Day by day, step by step. I don't think we have multiple chances to live. It's just this one. And like someone said: "you only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough." And back to the fear thing. I am afraid I have wasted enough time waiting for things to happen. I wish I were big on faith saying that I was waiting for God to work something out in my life. That wouldn't be wasted time at all. If that were the case, I could have learnt something out of this waiting. But it's not the case, unfortunately. It's just wasted time, and the best I can do right now is not to waste it anymore. I just wish I weren't afraid anymore!

Confessions of a sinner

It is very impressive how many people think big of themselves. I always hated that about people. One has the right of being arrogant only, and only,if he has something to back him up. Otherwise ... just a big mouth. But this is not the point. The issue isn't really the person we're presenting to the world. We are all entitled to present whoever we consider fit. Bottom line is who cares?! In the end one might end up meeting someone just as fake as he/she is. So, go ahead. Put on the mask! Problem is who we are at the core. Who we are when we're by ourselves. And believe me, even if you don't consider it important, that is the only person steering your life. If you're a liar, then you're a liar. If you're a thief, then you're a thief. A hypocrite?! Then a hypocrite! And this could go on and on ... because just close your eyes and tell me what or who you see! Now ... we might never see that part of yours. We might never get a glimpse of your true person. But that doesn't matter a bit. Because you won't get a glimpse either of other people's inner self. You might think you're dealing with a good, kind, patient person. But think again. It could always be just the mask. underneath ... we're all sinners.

A thing or two about leadership

I attended this weekend the Global Leadership Summit and let me tell you that each time I attended the summit I learnt a thing or two about how to become a good leader. No, not a good leader, a greater leader. This year, so many brilliant ideas. So many awesome people with a special gift from God ... After this summit I must tell you that I have a new wish to become more ... I want a new vision for my life, for myself. Right now I want to share with you a few ideas that stuck to my mind and that I want to never forget. Here it goes: Great development demands difficulties! What we have in our top box is what's going to fuel our leadership! - Bill Hybels Raising leaders is not a purpose, it's a mean!- Joshua Lwere Money - essential for life, but not the essence of life. Leadership exists when people follow when they have the freedom not to follow. The other side of the coin of success is not failure, but growth. - Jim Collins Leadership is the art of making people want to do what needs to be done. - Eisenhower We go to work not to work, but to be part of a purpose and to be excellent in our profession! We are not rational human beings who sometimes feel; we are emotional human beings who sometimes think. As leaders - we can choose: courage or comfort. We cannot have both! - Dr. Brene Brown It's not what you know, it's how fast you can learn! - Liz Wiseman Talent can take you to the top, but character can keep you there! You're not who other people say you are, you are who God says you are. You are only as strong as you are honest. How bad you want to do something determines what you are willing to do to obtain it. - Craig Groeschel I can only wish to put everything I learnt in practice. I know who can help me with this!

Random thoughts about this society

It's been a while. I wish I could tell you that I was pretty busy or something smart like that, but I haven't been that busy. Anyway ... I was so convinced about what I want to write tonight, but then again one of my friends gave me sort of a cold shower. I am still gonna tell you what I intended to, but with a slightly different ending. So, here we go. This is a topic I've wanted to write about for so long. And everybody who knows me well are well aware of my opinions about our society, because I almost seem like a broken record when we land on this topic. However I feel like it's high time I put this in writing. I am gonna start with a conclusion: WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY SMARTER!! And by we ... I mean the society. With the information we have at hand, with the technical development, with the background & history - one would say that "Man, this is the perfect place & time to live in! This is awesome!" And it might be (let me tell you my frank opinion: it's not!), who am I to judge! I am terrified each day when I walk out the door and see the society we live in. The information, the development, the background & history did not help us. Instead of getting brighter and smarter and more aware of ourselves, of our environment ... we get dumber and dumber! We don't use the information in our advantage. We let technology think in our place. I honestly think that a lot of people have just put their brains on a long winter hibernation. They don't need to think because what is to think about when you have everything at hand?! It's so frustrating to barely have a handful of people to have smart conversations with. (from this point of view I am blessed: I have my share of very smart people in my life). We are more and more interested on the way we look, rather than having a balance between the looks & brains. And I'm gonna say something here (even though there will be people who would contradict me): He who said "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BAD TASTE." was sooooo far off!!! There is such thing as BAD TASTE. And unfortunately we experience this bad taste in everything: from the way we dress to how we "dress" our kids & houses to what we read & listen to. But then again: we live in a free world. Everyone's opinion is protected. Doesn't matter how stupid! And I don't even want to get into the lack of values, standards and principles (because some don't even have low standards!!!) I am a dreamer. Not the John Lennon-type. Maybe a day-dreamer. An Arkadian wisher.A Martin Luther King - type. Where I have a dream that justice will be justice, friends will be friends, love will be love so on. But then my friend came along. I really love her and all ... and she's so innocent and cute in her way of thinking and seeing the world that she's almost contagious. If only I weren't immune to all those happy thoughts. so, she tried to make me see how I am full of negativism and that I should switch perspectives. Truth is I would not mind to see life in other colors than white, gray and black. I still think all these things about the society. Only that I know I (we) need so little to be happy ... we don't need the society to be perfect for that! ta ta!!

End

I don't know for your guys what END means but for me definitely it's something terminal: nothing else afterwards. However, in my mind this "END" has a sense of completeness. I mean something cannot come to an end unless it's complete!!! This being said I get to the point where I talk about this specific end. We are getting so close to the end of the year and let me tell you this is by far uncompleted! Things left undone, unsaid, unattended, unloved, un-patient, unbelieved! I know for sure that so many things are still pending and waiting in the air for me to make a decision. And for some reason or another I kept postponing, always thinking that what better day than tomorrow to make that decision?! The problem with the end of the year is that it's not really an END. The next day we can still put our mind to mend the things left out in the open. We can still pick up the phone and have the talk we were afraid to have the year before. We can still love, we can still learn to be patient and to build our trust. We can still choose to have faith. We can ... and we are so happy with this, knowing that "tomorrow is another day". This over here is what makes us in the first place postpone things. This particular thought is, I dare say, one of our worse enemies. Because of it we do not do things when they are meant to be done. Forgetting that WE ARE NOT OWNERS OF TOMORROW! All we have is today and now ... True, time will continue to flow after I am gone. Tomorrow will exist without me. But then again ... what about all the things I was supposed to do and didn't? All the people I was supposed to touch and didn't? All the love I was supposed to offer and didn't? Unfortunately, for some it's already too late. For some. I can still do things today. Do I chose to postpone again? Or do I just pick myself up and do the work I am expected to do. Because, my dear friends, we are all EXPECTED to do something. I refuse to believe that my existence is meaningless. It's better not to wait for the end. In life THE END is not always completed, however there is something AFTERWARDS!

"I'm tired" - is never a good excuse

Right now I am just tired. People tell me I am way to young to be tired. But I am. TIRED to fight with the windmills. TIRED to wait for people show gratitude. TIRED to hope for a change. TIRED to wish for a better world/society. TIRED to feel alone. TIRED to be betrayed over and over again by people I consider FRIENDS. TIRED to have my expectations dismissed. TIRED to be told that my values and standards are much too high for this world. TIRED to look for a smart conversation and not find it (it's happening too often nowadays!) TIRED to explain myself for every decision I make. TIRED to wait for love to show up. Just too TIRED. But You know what?! Even though this seems to be the attitude of a person who has given up on ... well, everything, I didn't. Given up, i.e. I just acknowledge I am very very tired and instead of giving up I just need to rest and refill my batteries. I need to find strength again to do what I know I was made up for: FIGHT! Because, you know what? I know for sure that: I don't FIGHT in vain! That there are people who do show their gratitude - and they are much worth WAITING for! Change is right around the corner. HOPE is one of the things that help you keep going! WISHING for a better world/society is what motivates you to "be the change you wanna see in the world" (amazing words Mr. Mahatma Ghandi)! I am never alone!!! There is always SOMEONE walking right by my side! FRIENDS are worth having! Life is so much more beautiful because of them! The expectations I have in life are those who put direction! Even though my values and my standards are too high I will always find people to gather around who share my point of view in this world! Sometimes I don't even need to LOOK FOR someone to have a smart conversation. Because I know that I just need to pick up my phone for it! Even though it is humanly to make bad decisions, the decisions I make (at least lately) are countersigned by SOMEONE who knows best. and LOVE ... well, in this field, I just don't want to loose HOPE. Knowing that this is something that is going to change my life. I'm just saying ... being tired is never a good excuse. It's barely an excuse!